{"id":104,"date":"2011-11-29T15:06:18","date_gmt":"2011-11-29T15:06:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/satrapov.net\/mysst\/?p=104"},"modified":"2021-08-17T16:26:23","modified_gmt":"2021-08-17T14:26:23","slug":"mean-green-failing-machine","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.grafskaya.club\/mysst\/mean-green-failing-machine\/","title":{"rendered":"Mean, green failing machine"},"content":{"rendered":"<p id=\"top\" \/><strong>The culprit:<\/strong> Zelda II: The Adventure of Link (Nintendo Entertainment System, Gamecube, Wii and Nintendo 3DS, via Virtual Console)<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/inspirational-logo.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-6036\" src=\"https:\/\/grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/inspirational-logo.jpg\" alt=\"Inspirational logo\" width=\"200\" height=\"140\"><\/a>Being a notorious completionist, when I enjoy a series, I eventually foray into its earliest installments. Partly out of curiosity to see the evolution over the years. Partly to be aware of the overarching story, if there is one. This is how I got around to&nbsp;<em>Zelda II: The Adventure of Link<\/em>. Having bought the&nbsp;<em>Collector&#8217;s Edition<\/em>&nbsp;for the Gamecube, which included&nbsp;<em>Ocarina of Time<\/em>,&nbsp;<em>Majora&#8217;s Mask<\/em>&nbsp;and the first two Zelda games, I thought that this was a good occasion for some videogame archaeology.&nbsp;I should\u2019ve known what to expect before even starting. Maybe I don\u2019t have the best reflexes in the world, and maybe I&#8217;m just no good at oldschool games, but I still have nightmarish memories of the first opus in the series: unforgivably difficult, no story to speak of, no indications as to the order in which to do things. Well,&nbsp;<em>Zelda II<\/em>&nbsp;is the same. But worse.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/serious-case-of-oversleeping.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignleft wp-image-6035\" title=\"Serious case of oversleeping\" src=\"https:\/\/grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/serious-case-of-oversleeping-300x179.jpg\" alt=\"Serious case of oversleeping\" width=\"270\" height=\"161\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/serious-case-of-oversleeping-300x179.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/serious-case-of-oversleeping-500x300.jpg 500w, https:\/\/www.grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/serious-case-of-oversleeping.jpg 709w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 270px) 100vw, 270px\" \/><\/a>In terms of storyline, it&#8217;s a direct sequel to the first game (one of the rare instances of such continuity within the series). This doesn&#8217;t really amount to much, however, since it takes place several years later. Link is older, and Zelda isn&#8217;t the same one as in the first game, but rather an ancestor, asleep in a remote chamber of Hyrule Castle under the effects of a spell cast by a long-dead magician (and all of the princesses in the royal family have been named in her honour since then). So they may just as well have been different characters altogether. Just like in most of the other games in the series. Anyway, Link discovers a mark on his hand, indicating that he is meant to wield the Triforce of Courage, which is located in the Great Palace and can supposedly break the curse on the sleeping Zelda. To unlock the way to this palace, he is given six crystals to place in six other palaces around Hyrule, which should open the way to the Great Palace. Along the way, he needs to avoid getting killed by followers of Ganon, who seek to resurrect him by sprinkling Link&#8217;s blood on his ashes. Nice. This does mean, however, that this is one of the very few games in the series where you don&#8217;t actually fight Ganon.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/blob-attack.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignright wp-image-6034\" title=\"Blob attack\" src=\"https:\/\/grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/blob-attack.jpg\" alt=\"Blob attack\" width=\"216\" height=\"202\"><\/a>As for the gameplay, picture a hybrid between an old Super Mario game&nbsp;and an <abbr title=\"Role-Playing Game\">RPG<\/abbr>. And no, you don\u2019t get <em>Legend of the Seven Stars<\/em> (if only!), but rather some kind of unholy offspring. It comes as no surprise that this system has never been reused in the series since. There&#8217;s an overworld map, peppered with dungeons and visible enemies. Running into one of them or entering a dungeon plonks Link into a sidescrolling environment. He gets&nbsp;three lives and gains experience points in battle. Pretty bizarre for a Zelda game, but that\u2019s not a problem in itself. If&nbsp;Link loses a life,&nbsp;he&nbsp;restarts at the entrance to the area. But god forbid you should actually get a Game Over (ie. lose all three of&nbsp;Link&#8217;s lives). Because that takes&nbsp;him <em>back to the first area of the game<\/em>. Meaning that he\u2019ll have to <a href=\"https:\/\/grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/straight-to-the-point.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignleft wp-image-6033\" title=\"Straight to the point\" src=\"https:\/\/grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/straight-to-the-point.jpg\" alt=\"Straight to the point\" width=\"205\" height=\"179\"><\/a>trek <em>all<\/em> the way to where&nbsp;he was&nbsp;before dying. I&#8217;ll just let you imagine how that feels when you&#8217;re nearing the end of the game. And&nbsp;three lives whisk by very quickly. Especially since there&#8217;s no permanent way to obtain more; every time you get a Game Over, you&#8217;re brought back to three. Of course, there&#8217;s the slight additional problem that getting a Game Over is the only way to save. Yeap.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/8-bit-nightmare.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignright wp-image-3462\" title=\"8-bit nightmare\" src=\"https:\/\/grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/8-bit-nightmare-300x200.jpg\" alt=\"8-bit nightmare\" width=\"270\" height=\"180\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/8-bit-nightmare-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/8-bit-nightmare-450x300.jpg 450w, https:\/\/www.grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/8-bit-nightmare.jpg 480w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 270px) 100vw, 270px\" \/><\/a>So you&#8217;d think that avoiding a Game Over would be a good idea. That would be underestimating the combat system. Forget about steep learning curves. Or even 90\u00b0 ones. In this game, the learning curve forms an acute angle. I actually had to give up trying to&nbsp;play it on my Gamecube and resort to a <abbr title=\"Nintendo Entertainment System\">NES<\/abbr>&nbsp;emulator. So I could, y\u2019know, <em>save<\/em>. Otherwise, I\u2019d still be trying to finish the first dungeon. And I really wish I was kidding. Not only are there very limited ways of recovering&nbsp;Link&#8217;s <abbr title=\"Hit Points\">HP<\/abbr> and magic power in the field (a handful of potions can be found or dropped after a battle), but the enemies are <em>brutally<\/em> unforgiving. Especially Iron <a href=\"https:\/\/grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/just-what-is-he-shooting.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignleft wp-image-6029\" title=\"Just *what* is he shooting?\" src=\"https:\/\/grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/just-what-is-he-shooting-300x262.jpg\" alt=\"Just *what* is he shooting?\" width=\"240\" height=\"210\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/just-what-is-he-shooting-300x262.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/just-what-is-he-shooting.jpg 305w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 240px) 100vw, 240px\" \/><\/a>Knuckles, who have mind-bogglingly amazing AI for a NES game. If you thought they were hard in any of the subsequent Zelda games, you\u2019ve got another one coming. The blue ones are particularly bad. They continuously chuck swords, of which they have an infinite supply. This is probably the closest thing to actual Sword-Chucks that you\u2019ll find outside of <em>8-Bit Theater<\/em>. It also looks&nbsp;profoundly dodgy&nbsp;when they switch to leg strikes.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/dont-mind-if-i-do.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"wp-image-2200 alignright\" title=\"Don't mind if I do!\" src=\"https:\/\/grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/dont-mind-if-i-do-300x214.jpg\" alt=\"Don't mind if I do!\" width=\"243\" height=\"174\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/dont-mind-if-i-do-300x214.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/dont-mind-if-i-do.jpg 314w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 243px) 100vw, 243px\" \/><\/a>To compensate for the hair-tearing difficulty, the game&nbsp;offers a few chuckles at its own expense. Link\u2013who is an adult in this game (another rare instance in the series)\u2013allows himself some <abbr title=\"Grand Theft Auto\">GTA<\/abbr>-like escapades, as if the game were having&nbsp;a bizarre premonitory, cross-genre flash. Every town has a woman in a red dress walking around in front of a house. If Link talks to her, she invites&nbsp;him to come in. And then, all you see is his life bar filling up. Hey, even 8-bit studs need their action. However, this becomes a lot more disturbing when it comes to recovering magic power. The method is exactly the same, but Link has to talk to a little granny instead\u2026who then gives him her &#8216;special medicine&#8217;.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/I-think-I-just-had-a-revelation.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\" wp-image-6030 alignleft\" title=\"I think I just had a revelation\" src=\"https:\/\/grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/I-think-I-just-had-a-revelation-252x300.jpg\" alt=\"I think I just had a revelation\" width=\"176\" height=\"210\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/I-think-I-just-had-a-revelation-252x300.jpg 252w, https:\/\/www.grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/I-think-I-just-had-a-revelation.jpg 299w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 176px) 100vw, 176px\" \/><\/a>Among other laughable details, there\u2019s the translation, featuring such timeless classics as the \u201cN\u00b03 TRIFORCE\u201d. Or&nbsp;\u201cI AM ERROR\u201d, one of the unforgettable\u2013and&nbsp;oddly philosophical, when you think about it\u2013responses&nbsp;Link will get&nbsp;during his sometimes baffling encounters with the denizens of the game. Or the Spell spell. Talk about stating the obvious. Or does Link have orthography problems? There\u2019s also the aptly named Fairy spell, which is used to fly over obstacles. It transforms Link into one of those cute lil\u2019 fairies that are commonly used to replenish health in Zelda games, complete with a red dress and a little crown.&nbsp;So not only does it shrink&nbsp;him and allow&nbsp;him to fly, but&nbsp;he also gets a sex change thrown in. It&#8217;s got to be one of the most impressive magic spells I&#8217;ve ever encountered.&nbsp;I\u2019m sure Tingle, the incredibly creepy fairy guy from <em>Majora&#8217;s Mask<\/em>, would\u2019ve loved the concept.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/SPLAT.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignright wp-image-6031\" title=\"SPLAT!\" src=\"https:\/\/grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/SPLAT.jpg\" alt=\"SPLAT!\" width=\"131\" height=\"165\"><\/a>In conclusion, if you&#8217;re ever tempted, for some unfathomable reason, to try this game out, just pray&nbsp;you can get through it&nbsp;without terminal finger cramps. And never look back. Thank god that Zelda has evolved since then. That\u2019s probably the one good thing I got out of this experience: a better appreciation of the more recent Zelda opuses. Nostalgia is all well and good, but you gotta be realistic sometimes: not <em>everything<\/em> was better back in Ye Olde Days.<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"kk-star-ratings kksr-auto kksr-align-left kksr-valign-bottom\"\n    data-payload='{&quot;align&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;id&quot;:&quot;104&quot;,&quot;slug&quot;:&quot;default&quot;,&quot;valign&quot;:&quot;bottom&quot;,&quot;ignore&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;reference&quot;:&quot;auto&quot;,&quot;class&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;count&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;legendonly&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;readonly&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;score&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;starsonly&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;best&quot;:&quot;5&quot;,&quot;gap&quot;:&quot;5&quot;,&quot;greet&quot;:&quot;Rate this post&quot;,&quot;legend&quot;:&quot;0\\\/5 - (0 votes)&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;24&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;Mean, green failing machine&quot;,&quot;width&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;_legend&quot;:&quot;{score}\\\/{best} - ({count} {votes})&quot;,&quot;font_factor&quot;:&quot;1.25&quot;}'>\n            \n<div class=\"kksr-stars\">\n    \n<div class=\"kksr-stars-inactive\">\n            <div class=\"kksr-star\" data-star=\"1\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n            \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n        <\/div>\n            <div class=\"kksr-star\" data-star=\"2\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n            \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n        <\/div>\n            <div class=\"kksr-star\" data-star=\"3\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n            \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n        <\/div>\n            <div class=\"kksr-star\" data-star=\"4\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n            \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n        <\/div>\n            <div class=\"kksr-star\" data-star=\"5\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n            \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n        <\/div>\n    <\/div>\n    \n<div class=\"kksr-stars-active\" style=\"width: 0px;\">\n            <div class=\"kksr-star\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n            \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n        <\/div>\n            <div class=\"kksr-star\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n            \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n        <\/div>\n            <div class=\"kksr-star\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n            \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n        <\/div>\n            <div class=\"kksr-star\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n            \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n        <\/div>\n            <div class=\"kksr-star\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n            \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n        <\/div>\n    <\/div>\n<\/div>\n                \n\n<div class=\"kksr-legend\" style=\"font-size: 19.2px;\">\n            <span class=\"kksr-muted\">Rate this post<\/span>\n    <\/div>\n    <\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The culprit: Zelda II: The Adventure of Link (Nintendo Entertainment System, Gamecube, Wii and Nintendo 3DS, via Virtual Console) Being a notorious completionist, when I enjoy a series, I eventually foray into its earliest installments. Partly out of curiosity to &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.grafskaya.club\/mysst\/mean-green-failing-machine\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,14,903,1200,15,1201,3,26],"tags":[1279,1289,1282,904,1335,1284,1336,29,32,1285,423],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/104"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=104"}],"version-history":[{"count":31,"href":"https:\/\/www.grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/104\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12496,"href":"https:\/\/www.grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/104\/revisions\/12496"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=104"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=104"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.grafskaya.club\/mysst\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=104"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}